Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize