Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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