btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
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I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
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I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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