i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
home. puking in laundry basket.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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