I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize