My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
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Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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