my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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