a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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