her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize