You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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