I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize