I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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