Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
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