so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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