Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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