If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize