I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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