i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize