You're my little dorito
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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