i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize