I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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