Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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