Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize