OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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