i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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