I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Letβs be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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