I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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