So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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