i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize