dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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