just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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