Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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