woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
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I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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