you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
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New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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