i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize