I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm like, not good at living.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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