My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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