the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
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We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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