First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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