The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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