best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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