Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
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Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
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EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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