i wish there were pregnant emoticons
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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