WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the day after is always just damage control
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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