I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
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I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
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Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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