You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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