i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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