so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
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There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
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Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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