Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
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puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
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If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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