i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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